[The Zion Egg]: Articles (Fans)

Simon Diamond: Agony Uncle

Howdy, here's a top 10 chat up lines to help all you lonesome Coral fans'. Of course, I have hidden motives because at the last couple of Coral gigs I've been to the women have been, er, pigs, so I figure with the use of these chat up lines, you can pull nice birds, get them into The Coral, so they then get their mates into them too etc, so we will fill venues with fine young fillies. It has to be better than standing next to the fat, cock-eyed, toothless, reeking-of-B.O, baldy, unclean beeeatch that I always end up next to, causing me to go easy on the drink in case I take her home.

If we get nice women, the ugly ones will leave us alone and we'll be able to
drink til we shit ourselves.

  1. How's yer pie for love bites?
  2. If I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
  3. Do you sleep on your belly? the answer is always no, then you say "Can I?"
  4. The word for the day is legs, wanna come with me and spread the word?
  5. Nice clothes but they'd look better in a crumpled heap at the bottom of my bed!
  6. "Can I pull your knickers down?" NO! "Well do a hand stand 'til I pull them up"
  7. "I'm a fireman, wanna slide down my pole?"
  8. Is that a ladder in your tights or the stairway to heaven?
  9. God was showing off when he made you
  10. Fancy a pizza and a fuck? 'no'. Why, do you not like pizza?

From Simondiamond

(The staff at Zionegg wish to point out that we in no way condone the use of such feeble, patronising and crude methods of getting your leg over. However, if anyone has any success with them PLEASE let us know and we'll be round to your local faster than a speeding bullet. Cheers, JT.)